In reading a book recently, “Drawing Heaven into
Your Marriage” H. Wallace Goddard makes the suggestion that if we become more like
Christ in our marital relationship we can overcome a lot of our conflicts,
issues and potential problems. He suggests that if we start with our self and seek
saintly behavior we can become a new creature
in Christ. When we do this we are more likely to process conflict in a more
helpful way and fewer things will bother us.
In my own marriage when I focus on being
the right kind of person little
things don’t bother me so much. Keeping my eye on the long term goal reminds me
of the bigger picture and final destination allowing me to let little annoyances
go. For example, if he squeezes the toothpaste in the middle of the tube I can
do one of 2 things, be cranky and annoyed or
buy him his own tube. How my husband chooses to squeeze the toothpaste
should not be a reason to bite the head off the guy I love. Nor should it cause
me to lose a joyful spirit and feel contentious. My home should be a safe place for me but each member of my family also.
The natural inclination is to be self-serving and have things my way. It is self-centered and a tradition we learn from watching others. How do we choose God”s way and become more good and gracious in our marriages? Some things Brad and I have used are praying together and reading scriptures together. When we find or learn something interesting or inspiring we share it, this opens the door for other questions we may have.
Good communication is crucial in a marriage and learning to be honest yet kind can help avoid a lot of misunderstandings. When we are in a good place spiritually we can ask more difficult questions without taking offense. My husband is my best friend, why would my best friend be trying to hurt my feelings or get even? Simply put he wouldn’t. That being said if I feel offended or snapped at don’t I own my best friend the benefit of doubt and assume something else is going on? One phrase I have found helpful is, “You must have had a hard day, what can I do to help or can you tell me about it?” This is the way the Lord would do it with kindness, love and understanding. The Lord is very clear in his attitude about marriage. Marriage is designed by God and endorsed by him. Basically it is ordained, endorsed, and commanded by God unto man. How cool is that? God designed marriage to be a kind of refuge or a safe place from our crazy troubled world?
Goddard asked a couple questions I found humorous
and enlightening: “Did God designed marriage as a laboratory where each one of
us could conduct daily experiments in Gospel living? Or did he design marriage
as a spiritual challenge course to humble us, stretch just and refine us?” I
think sometimes it can be both a refuge and a storm. Ask Goddard so classically
described it,”God did not design marriage as a retirement village where we
sunbathe, work the buffet, and play golf. When God ordained marriage he had a
loftier and more demanding purpose in mind. Marriage is Gods graduate school
for advanced training and Christian character.”
I love the idea of marriage being a type
of training ground to become more like God. With this purpose in mind I can
keep focused on the larger picture of maintaining a joy filled lasting marriage
and spend less time worrying about little annoyances that will eventually be
forgotten because of the great journey I have embarked on, becoming more like
Christ.
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